In the future we'll all be gay
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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