where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
