You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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