We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
