I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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