If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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