That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
