his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
