It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
