Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
