My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
