just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
