My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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