is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
