peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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