I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
