Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
