Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
