one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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