I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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