is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
