all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize