shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
