Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize