I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
