I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
