My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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