Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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