It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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