i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
