I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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