Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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