she was so not down for the gang bang
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
