Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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