i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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