I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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