I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
