I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
