What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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