so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
