how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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