I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
