Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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