HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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