K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
