Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
