i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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