It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
