So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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