I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
