Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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