Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
