I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize