You smell like a Billy Joel song
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize