im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
