My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
