For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
