Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
