i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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