dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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