I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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